So how do you identify?

CW: NSWF. Descriptions of sexual organs and sexual arousal. Mild mention of kink and BDSM dynamics

This is gonna be messy. Not because I'm uncertain about my answers, but because I'm uncertain about best practices and accepted terminology. Bear with me. Rock with me. Suggest corrections. Comment.

So! The easy part is that I'm straight and cis. No surprise if you've read my other work. But I'm neither of those things by default. I've come to those conclusions after a lot more thought than I thought I would have to give them.

But I have good friends. They thought long and hard about themselves and their bodies and identities and desires. I followed suit. We've had fun, thought provoking conversations over the years.

Admittedly, I'm not LGBTQ+. It's not an identity or a community I can claim with any authenticity. I'm an ally to the whole community. Its members deserve peace and support and understanding and equity.

But this isn't about allyship or anyone else. This is about self-reflection. Exploring desires and fantasies.

Aight, peep. Realistically?

I'll never fully untangle how much of my identity is the gender I was socialized/raised to be and how much is innate, but I like the way “man” describes me, as in “grown ass man.” Thinking on it, I've never been uncomfy with the masculine terms people assume I use.

Those all sound about right to me.

I wanna touch huge tiddies and rub on a big soft ass and thighs. I don't desire to have either of those.

I like my broad shoulders and muscular thighs and trimming my moustache and the way my voice sounds when i cackle. I like the weight i put up when i bench press or squat. I like how heavy my dick feels when I'm aroused, the way it bobs up and down. The way my pecs bounce when I flex them. I've never wanted hips or breasts. I've always wanted to touch them.

I'm definitely a guy. A dude. A homie. An hombre. A brodie. Or whatever niggas is calling themselves these days. [3]

As far as being straight? That's a little more ambiguous. I'm straight enough to identify with the term but not 100% or exclusively so or anything. Maybe 85%?

i like the idea of being the bigger, stronger partner to someone who wants to lie on my chest and feel my muscles and feel protected.

I want someone who thinks of my dick and blushes. Someone who looks fantastic in a skirt and thigh highs and wears cute underwear and wants me to rub their body.

Someone who cackles and bullies me and calls me out when I'm on one. Someone who gets mad at me and makes me give them slow, submissive, love drunk, head. [4]

Someone who folds when i charm them with my dimples and my wit and those aforementioned broad shoulders. Some who whimpers in anticipation, waiting for me to give them what they so desperately want. Someone who wants me to rail them in the most loving way possible.

I want someone girly, but that doesn't mean they have to specifically be a girl. It means (somewhat stereotypical) femininity more so than any pronouns. It's mostly a vibe. It's partially fashion, partially the shape of your body, partially a few other things I'm still thinking through.

The femininity I'm attracted too doesn't mean being sweet and innocent or wearing pink or having a high pitched UwU voice. I love my wife and she's none of those things. Instead she's alternatively a couchbound snack goblin, a bookish combat witch, and a haughty, spooky supervillain with world domination aspirations. And I can't imagine being with anyone else.

But I like to think I could have dated a feminine guy had I not met her. Not sure if “twink” or “femboy” are offensive but that's the vibe I'm thinking of. Someone cute, goofy, girlish.

I'm also extremely married and so I'll likely never get a chance to test that hypothesis and more importantly have no desire to.

I think what complicates all theory and thinking is my persistent love for big, heavy, soft, squishy tiddies. I like curves more than almost anyone you know. I'm in the 97th percentile for massive breast appreciation. Curvy asses and thighs are amazing too. Peeking out of skirts. Squeezed by high shots. Ensconced by short shorts. Big ol' ass.

Aesthetically, that appreciation for big boobs and thick thighs usually leads me towards curvy chubby women rather than feminine guys, or slender women for that matter.

I'm a man who likes women and femininity or all other potential partners. “Bisexual” or “pansexual” don't feel honest when I say them. “Not entirely straight” feels like too much of an invitation. I'm straight enough. Straight-ish?

I should read more theory on all of this. I should do a lot of things. I'm smart enough but I'm no great thinker.

I'm just a straight. cis. man. One who's thought about what those three words mean and mean to me. I'm NaClKnight.

[^1]: I'm not responsible for your safety or wellbeing if you use this term without proper credentials. [^2]: I originally had “Motherfucker” as a cheeky double entendre here. I was confident enough about it that I'm telling you about it, but not confident about that one to keep in the text. Technically it implies fucking someone who is already a mother, rather than making someone a mother by means of coitus. [^3]: “The Boondocks” remains an integral part of my humor [^4]: Admittedly, I find meekly saying “yes, miss” sexier to me than “yes, sir”

#NSFW #NonFiction #Kink #BDSM #Sex #Gender #Sexuality

Find shorter thoughts at https://c.im/@NaClKnight