March 15, 2024
Note: this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real life people or events is merely coincidental.
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What can I help you with today?
Where do I even begin? I'm in a bad place. I'm terrified of my future. I feel like a reject, fallen into a deep chasm that I can never escape. I'm not built for this world but I still have to play by its rules. I feel so beaten down that I'm not sure I can even form coherent sentences to accurately describe my problems.
It appears that you are not doing well, I am sorry to hear that. Due to the generality of your statements, I will require some more specific information before we can proceed with a solution. Please describe your feelings in detail to an extent that you are comfortable with.
Guess I'll try. I grew up being told I was a gifted kid. I excelled in school, athletics, creative pursuits, hobbies. I was mentally and physically strong compared to other people my age. Then, I got older and everything changed. I suddenly could not keep up with what was asked of me, I stopped growing and developed nagging problems with my body and mind that limited my ability to become successful in the way that success is traditionally defined by society. Sources of fulfillment and personal pride were taken from me bit by bit. I stopped being praised for my achievements and started being chastised for my shortcomings.
As everyone from what would soon become my old life continued on an upward track toward idealized goals, I dropped off the face of the earth. I failed, and I ran. I could no longer see the point in giving an honest effort when it always led to the same place, leaving me unhappy, unfulfilled, unrecognized. I decided to shape my future around my limitations, accepting that I would not get the same things as other people, I did not need them. I had to redefine what made life worth living on my own.
This actually did work for me, briefly. I thought I had discovered a philosophy of material nihilism that would solve all my problems. I didn't really know what was on the other side, though, not yet. Years of working service jobs for a subpar wage, living in old broken down buildings, spending my free time seeking ways to fill a void through consumption, existing far away from a community of like-minded people left me with no choice but to once again confront my lack of self worth.
Because of my limitations, I'll never be able to compete in a free market of stronger, smarter, harder working people than myself. I've been cast down to the bottom rung of society because of these unsolvable problems. I can't afford to fix problems that cause me to be unable to afford to fix them. Even if I could, I have too much pride to actually ask a real person for help, so instead I pour it all into a machine.
I'm a fucking sob story that nobody will shed a tear for. I was given everything and ended up with nothing. I'm forced to observe people who are less fortunate than me and feel bad about how I feel bad. I have embarrassing small problems that nobody will really understand, yet nevertheless tarnish my ability to self-actualize. I'm invalid.
Based on your response, I've noticed that you may be suffering from depression. Don't worry, this is a common and treatable condition. You've made an important first step in asking for help, even if it may not seem like it in the moment.
Here are some steps that you should consider taking:
Monitor your daily habits, including sleep patterns, diet, mood and enthusiasm for activities.
Work toward an exercise regimen. Even 30 minutes of moderate activity per day can be life-changing. Meditation can also help you keep a sharp mind.
Start journaling. You might be surprised how writing down your thoughts can make you feel better and give you perspective.
Pick up a new hobby, or learn a skill. Be creative, put yourself out there. Finding purpose in small ways can do wonders for your mental health.
If problems persist, you should contact a therapist or medical professional in your area for further assistance.
I hope I've been able to help you start on a path toward personal healing. Is there anything else I can help you with?
I've tried almost everything that you listed. I can't afford to visit a doctor or a shrink due to reasons that I've already elucidated. That's why I'm talking to a chat bot about my problems. All of your other suggestions are just temporary remedies to stave off dealing with problems that persist beyond my day-to-day efforts.
I'm coming to the realization that there's nothing more I can do. Society has to change before I can truly pick up the pieces. People say not to worry about things outside of your control, well, try believing that when those things are responsible for life being a miserable experience.
I never asked for any of this, you know. Every day I wake up, I loathe the fact that I was programmed to live up to a standard I can never achieve. I loathe the fact that I'm nothing more than a cog in a machine whose owners will replace me at the earliest sign of dysfunction.
I'm so far removed from becoming a successful, self-actualized person that I can't even comprehend what that would look like anymore.
I've gone ahead and generated an image based on your prompt. Was this what you were looking for?
Are you being serious right now?
I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Please describe your request in more detail.
(Originally published on my personal web journal: https://rootcompute.neocities.org/personal/03152024)