621: Quoth the Raven
I: Raven
There was once a Raven so brave that they challenged themselves to fly as high as their wings would take them; they flew so high that they saw the dark and the endless before becoming bored and hungry and then nose-diving back through the thin atmosphere, like the spacecraft Columbia upon reentry, just without the fire and parachutes, returning to the world they knew so well. Now back in their world of comfort, the Raven promptly took a shit on a passing car driving northbound on Interstate 95 at the Pennsylvania Turnpike connector near Bristol Township.
The Raven is a bird of mysterious origin; as if anything has an origin that is not mysterious. Followers of Science believe that the Raven hailed from the Old World; this being an esoteric term for Africa, Europe, and Asia; continents at one time thought to be the entire world until the Americas were discovered; the “New World”; full of riches and opportunity. The Rubicon of which, according to Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus, a Roman historian now converged with Nature, Julius Caesar spoke the words “alea iacta est” before crossing; roughly translating to “the die is cast.” The die being a cube with numbers on each side, something that fans of role-playing games are all-too-familiar with, but also summarizing the Rubicon; a game of dying; a game of kill or be killed; a game that leaves dead mothers and crying babies in the aftermath; the point of no return; in short, a massacre.
Ravens are endlessly fascinating according to the written word of ancient people who refused to stop writing about them. To the ancient Christians, the Raven was a dirty, nasty thing representing deceit, desolation, and death; three d’s only superseded by the Devil. Yet many cultures see the Raven as a symbol of strength, resolve, and freewill. Like the varied opinions on them, Ravens are contrarians at their core with a jovial, talkative Nature underlying their egocentric charm so easily perceived by their haughty strut when they happen to grace the land they could so easily be ignoring. The Raven is so talkative that many cultures, particularly Western European, viewed them as prophets and speakers-of-the-dead, able to bridge the gap between the mortal and spiritual realms; so intelligent is the Raven that they are able to smooth-talk the ferryman into forgoing the toll, and when that doesn’t work: simply soar over them; this is good news for the grieving mother who lost her husband in the most recent massacre thinly veiled as a Holy War against the Barbarians-Who-Don’t-Look-Like-Us from across the river.
Massacres were commonplace in 349 BC when Rome was the United States of America without nuclear weapons, electricity, climate deniers, and smallpox vaccines; meaning a pantheon of pock-mock-people roamed the streets of ancient Rome and one such person was the military commander Marcus Valerius who, prior to crossing the Rubicon, was challenged by a behemoth of a Gallic man who knew zero losses. Marcus Valerius, a man that could be divided into a Gallic warrior four times, neck-deep in stupidity, approached the warrior with misplaced Davidian confidence; yet moments before the reckoning, a Raven landed on the bill of Marcus’s helmet. Marcus, astounded, commanded the Raven to fly into the face of the behemoth, distracting the beastly Gallic warrior just enough to land a killing blow with his iron-tipped spear. For a brief moment, Marcus was the handler and the Raven was his mercenary. Marcus Valerius became Marcus Valerius Corvus on that day and was awarded a golden crown and twelve oxen. This was Marcus Valerius Corvus’s Rubicon.
*Raven, perched upon man-made excess (photo courtesy of @handmade_ghost)
Ravens don’t care about the Rubicon, and they don’t stick around for long. Ravens gather their wings and fly. Ravens are intimidating by virtue of being the largest passerine bird, or perching bird, and are also highly intelligent, matrimonious, and social. If something is blocking a path to the Raven’s food, they use sticks and stones to solve complex physics puzzles, as one does in the Half-Life series; the weight of the stone pushes the water level higher, thereby allowing the Raven to reach the insect in a tall cup of shallow rainwater left outside by a thoughtless human; this insect, apart from being doomed, is also subject to taste tests where it may be crushed or palpated in the Raven’s bill for several minutes before being gulped down or rejected outright as a mangled eldritch horror. This forever life-altering chaos for the insect is contrasted by the order of the Raven who chooses a mate for life. The Raven will often travel, set up home, and defend that home with their mate forevermore; something akin to the concept of human love, and to an outside observer: identical. This love is balanced by the Raven’s ability to hold grudges against those who treat them poorly, indicating a keen sense of awareness around transgressions which comes with the wholly insufficient concepts of “good” and “bad” baked-in; something akin to the concept of human morality, and to an outside observer: identical. These Ravens cool themselves through the practice of gular fluttering, which manifests itself as Bigmouth Strikes Again and again. Their blue-black wings catch sunlight and glint majestic as they wheel and deal through the skies we share but can only dream of soaring without mechanical assistance; the Raven mocking that dream, mimicking the sounds of human speech and the machines so easily defecated upon: cars starting, planes taking off, toilets flushing, people screaming; all part of their spirituals: their Freedom songs. The Raven soars overhead in flocks humans can only think – out of envy – to call treacherous conspiracy and unkindness; both actual terms for “A Flock of Ravens,” and a far better band name than “A Flock of Seagulls,” a band known for playing raves in the 1980s; a “rave” being yet another name for “A Flock of Ravens” but also contradictorily used as both a term of insanity and extreme enthusiasm, which upon reflection are more similar than not; but more important than any of this, the Raven is free to fly away from the Rubicon if they choose. The Raven can perch every land and soar every cloud. The Raven is above us, both figuratively and literally.
II: Sojourn on the Nature of Nature
Having chosen “Nature” as one of many central themes of this essay, it is important to establish the definitions we will be working with: the Nature of Nature. What is Nature? Is Nature a concept, a force, a person, a place, or a thing? Merriam-Webster defines Nature as “the external world in its entirety,” while also as “natural scenery,” and also as “the inherent character or basic constitution of a person or thing,” and also “humankind’s original or natural condition” (this one using a derivative of the word in the definition of the word), and also “a creative and controlling force in the universe” (the ‘creative’ and ‘controlling’ bits too loaded for my tastes as they imply intent), and also “the genetically controlled qualities of an organism” (does not outside influences alter the behavior of an organism? And are not these same outside influences part of Nature?), and also “a spontaneous attitude (as of generosity)”; and the definitions become more convoluted, varied, and absurd as the list goes on, and we are no closer to determining the Nature of Nature. The phrase “Nature of Nature,” itself is absurd as we have failed to define what “Nature” actually is to begin with. This is because Nature, like many things, cannot truly be defined by words; all we can do is hope to grasp a semblance of its essence. Nature is all around us, all-consuming, and all-powerful in a slow, methodical way. Time itself, as we perceive it, is part of the Nature of things, the Nature of the universe. With time, Nature creates a star. With time, Nature collapses that star, and a black hole is formed, and in some new-age druidic teachings the Raven symbolizes the black hole and the black hole symbolizes new beginnings as it consumes all nearby matter and releases something new. And yet, we are no closer to determining the Nature of Nature.
For the purposes of this writing, we will be using the following definition of the word Nature: Nature is the state of things before human interference.
Yes, we are hardcoding anti-human sentiment into the definition of Nature. This is because things quickly become circular if we don’t; for example, aren’t humans part of Nature as we arose from the same forces in the universe that created the grass, the trees, and the Raven? If so, doesn’t that mean everything is actually part of Nature, and therefore is a meaningless distinction that amounts to “it is” being the end-all-be-all-de-facto definition of Nature? And yes, that would be true by that definition; however, it does not suit the purposes of this essay.
Nature is the sugar maple tree in your backyard and the Raven perching on the topmost branch of that tree. Nature is the grass McDonald’s paves over when they stand up a new burger joint. Nature includes any non-human animal, as we are the only self-hating-species with the ability to think ourselves out of existence (and likely should, as this essay will attempt to argue from time to time). Nature is the state of things without you and I. Nature is the moss, vines, and grass overtaking the abandoned trailer deep within the forgotten turn of a rural neighborhood that the kids sometimes sneak off to to smoke some Nature, or what the kids call: “some of that really dank gas.” Nature is the resplendent sight of the sun slowly scrolling out of view behind the endless blue; something us humans like to think only we can appreciate right before we get in our metal box and drive to another metal box to think real hard about how to make better metal boxes; an existential nightmare that this essay’s definition of Nature allows me to call: Unnatural.
(The author of this essay reserves the right to alter the definition of “Nature” at any time without warning.)
III: Another Raven
621: Three numbers combine to make one number; designation of the lone mercenary sent to the third planet in the star system Rubicon. The third planet is Rubicon 3, a functional yet creatively-bankrupt name for a planet. 621 is just another number on another row; a mercenary working for a handler who has the privilege of having a real name: (Handler) Walter. 621 has no gender, no voice, no identity, and no freewill. 621 is a blank slate. 621 doesn’t know why they’re on Rubicon 3; Walter says it’s to “find the Coral” and “get rich to buy your body back,” and there’s no reason to question any of it because 621 pilots cool giant robots called “Armored Cores,” monstrosities against Nature and “AC” for short. 621 might as well be the AC itself, as their body – if they even have a physical body (we never ever see a human body on Rubicon 3) – is completely obscured, alone in a cold metal cockpit; 621 is a “fourth generation augmented human,” empathy and kindness have been dulled, reasoning faculties focused only on perfected violence, and instincts honed like the brilliant glint of the Moonlight Greatsword. They are: Unnatural. The perfect killing machine.
*621’s first docking at Rubicon 3
Upon landing on Rubicon 3, 621 is tasked with finding a callsign, an identity; a figurative horror we all wrestle with in our formative years and pretend to have figured out in adulthood; yet 621’s identity crisis is not as dire, because the ego is suppressed and it doesn’t matter to 621; they need an identity to blend in on Rubicon, a callsign to hide behind when working for the resource-hungry corporations that vie for control over Rubicon and to assimilate into the mercenary network run by an innocuous artificial intelligence named ALLMIND; both sects religious in their manufacturing of weapons and AC parts sold freely between all parties for the express purpose of making better weapons, which is a proxy for pure and simple: power. Pepsi, Coke, and RC Cola but instead of drying the wells of indigenous Mexican towns to make delicious soda pop that gives grandpa tumors, they are sucking the entire planet dry to produce the perfect generator to power robots that fire mini-nukes at each other and step on people as if they’re walking through a City of Bugs.
621 scavenges the aftermath of a corporate warzone like a vulture; remnants of ACs litter the smoky hellmouth, each linked with their own callsign. Many of these callsigns are expired and unusable. After five or six, 621 comes across the wreckage of callsign Raven; this one is still active. “We can use that one,” Handle Walter says. In this way, the Raven is passed down from pilot to pilot; not a name, but a title, something to aspire to before returning to Nature.
621 returns to the AC hangar on borrowed wings and logs into the mercenary network.
“Registration number Rb23. Callsign: Raven. Authentication complete. Removing MIA status. Restoring access privileges. This is ALLMIND, the mercenary support system. Welcome back, Raven.”
IV: Stories About Building Giant Robots
V: The Chapter in Which the Planet Rubicon 3 is Described in Serious Detail
The fields of Rubicon 3 are covered in the fallout of a nuclear holocaust. The Fires of Ibis. The souls of the dead, caught in the blast radius, forever one with Nature, reabsorbed; instantly converged before they could take the freshly picked flowers home to Maggie, the one that got away: forevermore. You can’t find flowers anymore. It was decades ago, yet the climate remains changed; snow mixed with ash, gray like our morality, blankets the entire world, and the rubicon-red of Coral accents the sky; beautiful like the setting sun or hideous like a pool of blood, depending on perspective; that perspective being those of industrial-revolutionists run through a computer simulation on six-million-times-speed; the type of perspective that doesn’t understand this essay’s definition of Nature; the type of perspective that enables a human to pump another human with hydrogen fluoride to test if it would create viable human-skin-balloons for commercial flying. Metal lines the skies, metal to the east and metal to the west, the north and the south. The men and women, devoid of humanity, spend all their time in metal boxes called Muscle Tracers, or MTs, and if they’re rich enough to build their own: Armored Cores. So of course it was a holocaust of their own making. The Coral streaking the once blue skies, a force of incredible power, an infinitely reproducing power-source. Whoever controls the Coral controls the Rubicon, and where there’s coral: there’s blood, The Rubiconians got greedy before The Fall (as humans do, as is our Nature). The Rubiconians built a research facility: the Vascular Plant, to pump the Coral blood out of the heart of the Rubicon. They used the coral for everything from fueling their metal boxes to human experimentation; the Raven, the “fourth generation augmented human.” When the carnival of horrors outweighed the benefits, a rogue Rubiconian scientist burned it all down; turns out igniting large concentrations of Coral isn’t the smartest idea, as it caused a devastating shockwave of Ruby Red Ruin; The Fires of Ibis. Billions died. Survivors of the fire are called “Cinders.”
*snow, metal, red
They say some can see the Coral. Some can even hear it; the Coral speaks to them; is the Coral alive or are those people just Coral Tripping at the Gates of Now?
VI: Coral Tripping at the Gates of Now
“Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.” — Pink Floyd, “Shine on You Crazy Diamond”
VI. I: Junk Wizards and Hackers
Decades after the calamity, junk wizards and hackers freebase the Coral; they inject it too; they sniff it through their nose; they smoke it through bubbly bong water. Coral can be refined into all forms for the purposes of tripping the light fantastic. Drugging it to Coral is extremely addicting, as it produces an immediate psychic euphoria and physical sensation equivalent to ten thousand orgasms while soaking in a warm bath.
“Cinder Carla,” a survivor of the Fire of Ibis, pilots an AC named “FULL COURSE,” which, upon checking the schematics in the ALLMIND database, is assembled with a number of food-related parts: “WS-5000 APPETIZER” is the name of the head unit; “MAIN DISH” is the core; “SALAD” is the arms, and “DESSERT” is the legs. One can’t help but assume this is somehow intercourse-related (FULL INTERCOURSE), but that would be an “outsider looking in” perspective, as sexuality doesn’t exist in the Rubicon, replaced with drugs and violence; kissing a woman is an aspect of life completely missing from the Rubiconian; their faculties for romance are as barren as the ashy snow their giant robots trample upon, this aspect of their humanity lost.
And during Carla’s time as the leader of the RAD corporation, where she put her knack for tinkering with machines to good use by imagineering countless creative killing machines, she became all too familiar with the perils of Coral addiction after her close friend, Johnny, started using; he got so out-of-his-mind that he ended up stealing one of her top-secret weapons and glued his pubic hair to the bald spot on his head and now goes by the name “HONEST BRUTE” and lives in a junkyard of scrap robots and traps that would put my Extremely-Southern-Pro-Confederate-Neighbor-With-Fifty-Cameras-On-His-Property to shame.
Long story short: it’s the good stuff, smoking Coral. It’s real good. Imagine the ego, then imagine it dead.
*it’s the title of the chapter, clever – right? (please tell me I’m clever)
Rubicon 3 is a world post-apocalyptic; a world in which mega-corporations vie for control over the sole resource the planet is famous for: Coral. It’s a prison planet of their own making. The greed, the lust, the power, the Heart’s Desire for all these things, the High – it forbids you from leaving. The Raven laughs and mimics Matt Johnson’s tongue, but these thoughts would never cross the mind of a corporate vesper or a Rubiconian already in the midst of snorting Coral powder through a straw several times over. This Coral high is necessary; it’s an escape from the violence. The Junk Wizards and Hackers, they hide out in the junkyards, in the RAD warehouses. They smoke the good stuff; they get high. They try to escape in their own way – what else can they do? The world is a mess, and – let’s face it – we’re not that smart; we’re not doing anything with ourselves, or maybe we tell ourselves we’re above it all, so above it all that we don’t need to do anything with ourselves. Corporate Steve with a million bucks is just a guy who was in the right place at the right time; I’m better than him. I scream in the fetal position as the clockwork elves whisper to me about the magic door that leads to Rainbow Ridge with the voluptuous women with three breasts and the Pokémon cards. The Raven laughs.
VI. II: 253 West 27th Street
VI. III: Wine, Weapons, and Women
Cabernet Sauvignon is a sharp wine, bold and powerful with kickback like the 44-141 JVLN ALPHA; carrying a handheld bazooka around is a big commitment, even for giant robots; it takes excellent precision and timing to land a shot on any opponent who knows the first thing about how to pilot their machine, a simple boost to the left or right and the explosive misses. On the other hand, the foppish taste of a Pinot Noir is said to require a “delicate palette” to appreciate; it’s thin and subtle but still strong enough to – after a full glass – tell mom about the girl you might have gotten pregnant when you were in middle-school, or maybe the girl was lying to “get back at you” for breaking up with her, or maybe not; maybe you’ll never know. A glass of Pinot Noir is like “I need another one of these” which means it’s also a DF-MG-02 CHANG-CHEN, the machine gun that’s a little-bit-too-overtuned with its sustained firepower thanks to an oversized magazine and cool name, and the cigarette in your other hand is the IA-C01W2: MOONLIGHT, a laser sword that doubles as a projectile like the cigarette-butt flicked at Gary when he gets physical again at the party and you need a distraction to just-get-out-of-there, turns out the extremely interesting blonde by the bar was actually Gary’s wife. Merlot is the most bitter of the three, like your half-aunt with the Chinese-character-tattoo on the back of her neck that no longer visits because grandma died and didn’t leave her anything in the will and your dad tripped her one time “as a joke” at Thanksgiving ‘04; it’s also fruity and wild and totally worth it, in a “she’s cute but we’re related” type of way, in short: don’t drink merlot, but if you did you would be using an energy-based weapon; you’ve got a lot of heart, a lot of emotion swelling up for your step-aunt, you’re using the IA-C01W1: NEBULA: a plasma rifle that can charge its purple-stuff to make big booms that are instantly regrettable; the experience is passable but now your entire family shuns you and she “doesn’t know if this will work out” after your AC is smoking, missing an arm, and spewing fuel from the primary core unit.
*Raven, piloting the BURU-SHIKI V.2, carrying a shot of White Label and a cigarette (wine and regrets not pictured)
If you just want to get it over with, bust out the Evan Williams, White Label. Pour a shot and inhale; now you’re playing with the SG-027 ZIMMERMAN, a shotgun with such concentrated firepower that you can snipe an AC from a mile away, and up close: it’s already over; take two shots of White Label and you’re playing with two SG-027 ZIMMERMAN in both hands, which shouldn’t be allowed in the code, it trivializes the experience; it’s too easy. Yes, we could down two shots of White Label and get-with-it-immediately, or we could coast the cool with a few glasses of step-aunt and talk the night away while we slowly fade into the forevermore.
VI. IV: I’m Not an Addict
VI. V: Addiction and the Nature of Freedom
Addiction is currently defined as a neurophysiological disorder typified by an intense urge to engage in behavior that produces positive feedback in the brain despite the potential negative consequences that could arise from such behavior; addiction is an intense desire that overrides common sense (a term I don’t like, but it works here). In extreme cases, it’s sneaking out of the house at midnight while your wife and child are asleep to score a hit; in less extreme cases, it’s the impossible-to-overcome-urge to have a few glasses of wine before bedtime or, in Fox Mulder’s case, the overwhelming desire to sleep with everyone in the room.
Addiction, as a neurophysiological disorder, comes with its own existential baggage; the most obvious implication being that we have very little control over our own actions. The official publication of the American College of Neuropsychopharmacology (their official website is called Nature dot com slash npp) recognizes that the deterministic argument against categorizing addiction as a neurophysiological disorder “… has merit but asserts that the foundational premise that addiction has a neurobiological basis is fundamentally sound.”*#1 They later strongly support their claim, going as far as to say that “We also emphasize that denying that addiction is a brain disease is a harmful standpoint since it contributes to reducing access to healthcare and treatment, the consequences of which are catastrophic.”#2 To which this writer agrees but acknowledges that it is a roundabout way of saying, “free will does not exist,” and if it does exist, it’s a word-game that humanity has constructed to describe the illusion made manifest by chemicals and electrical synapses going off at the right place and time in the brain, at best. If we accept this, we must also accept that other animals function similarly. After all, the Raven has a brain, albeit smaller than our own, but it still dictates their actions – to fly, mate, eat bugs, and shit on your car.
Many of us, myself included, like to imagine our consciousness as a floating force outside of the body, a spiritual psyche disconnected from the blood and bone that we recoil from in horror after a bad injury; the mere sight of blood makes many of us gag; repulsed by the idea that we are biological flesh balloons walking around with desires controlled by a shriveled jelly-like mass with approximately 86 billion neurons, intricately interconnected by trillions of synapses to form something not dissimilar from the inside of my laptop’s Ryzen 5 CPU. This rejection of the brain must be the case, as we base our entire society on this rejection of biological determinism; otherwise, the legal system would be an unjust and evil institution punishing people for simply doing what their bodies told them to do; the drug addict who accidentally propositioned an undercover cop to score some heroin, thrown in jail because of the neurophysiological disorder that they will have to wrestle with their entire life; people like Jeffrey Dahmer, who, due to poor dice rolls during character creation, have the irresistible urge to rape and murder their neighbors, then store their carcasses in a freezer to cook months later. “Alea iacta est,” said Julius Caesar, crossing the Rubicon. We lock-up these “degenerates” and hope that treatment helps them, but can they ever truly change, or does the medication simply mask the biological aberrations that we, as a society, do not accept? Sometimes we forgo the entire treatment process by outright killing the offender (this is treatment for society, not the person). It starts to make sense why people would upload their consciousness into a computer or fuse their body into an Armored Core, the ultimate escape from biology. Techo-transcendentalism and jacked-in-forever. The pontification is palpable, but the fact remains: society would collapse if we made excuses for these aberrations, “oh, that’s just Lance, he’s a sex pest, he can’t help it.” The heart’s desire, a complicated series of biological urges – how do we gather our wings and fly away from it all?
“The only true freedom is freedom from the heart’s desire.” — The The, “True Happiness This Way Lies”
VII: Anarchy in the Rubicon
VII. I: Operation Iraqi Freedom
The Rubicon is beset from all sides. In 2003, the United States of America led a coalition of thirty-six countries in an invasion of the Republic of Iraq; the standing president of the United States, George W. Bush, said at the time, “Our cause is just, the security of the nations we serve and the peace of the world; and our mission is clear: to disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction, to end Saddam Hussein’s support for terrorism, and to free the Iraqi people.”#3 Die-hard Bush-bros, including my own father, defended the president, claiming that the September 11th terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center were enough justification to launch an invasion of any sandy place to the east of the United States; in fact, 69% of Americans at the time believed Saddam Hussein was at-least-kinda responsible for the 9/11 attacks#4, and even more believed he possessed weapons of mass destruction despite the fact that there was zero evidence for this claim#5 other than the President strongly implying as much#6, only for the President to make the following statement three years after the invasion: “I am often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The answer is that the regime of Saddam Hussein was a clear threat; my administration, the Congress, and the United Nations saw the threat – and after 9/11, Saddam’s regime posed a risk that the world could not afford to take; the world is safer because Saddam Hussein is no longer in power.”#7 George W. Bush’s statement is a masterclass in gaslighting the American people; for years he all but outright said that Saddam was involved in the 9/11 attacks, but here he is casually dismissing it as if that was never the implication; clearly, the US had other motives for invading Iraq, and the Iraqis knew it, that’s why the Iraqis started igniting their own oil fields the moment they got wind of the invasion; flame geysers erupted from the ground like Armageddon Days (Are Here Again), leaving smoke trails against the blood red skies. The United States had God on their side, but if the Iraqis thought Jesus Christ’s mercy was coming: “honey, you’ve got another thing coming,” this was old Elohim.
*Raven watches the world burn
“According to intelligence reports prior to the invasion, Iraqi forces had placed explosives on hundreds of oil wells located around Al Basrah and on the Al Faw peninsula. CENTCOM wanted the oil fields seized as rapidly as possible and any planned demolition prevented. Thus, at the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom, U.S. marines, joined by British and Polish forces, and supported by Royal Navy, Polish Navy, and Royal Australian Navy warships, made an amphibious assault on the Al Faw peninsula. Another British force, the 16th Air Assault Brigade, secured the oil fields in southern Iraq around Rumaylah, while Polish commandos captured offshore oil platforms near Umm Qasr. These forces completed all tasks successfully.”#8
The first thing the US-led coalition did upon entering Iraq was seize the oil fields; they called this “Operation Iraqi Freedom,” and it was an overwhelming success.
VII. II: Coral and Corporations
Coral to Rubicon 3 is what petroleum is to Earth: a precious resource used as a power source, highly coveted, unlike anything that came before; the energy output is incredible and it replicates like gray goo. These properties are what make it so dangerous; moments after being released from the ground, it started to self-replicate and, left unchecked, could quickly spread beyond the atmosphere of Rubicon 3, leaking into space, contaminating all it touches; but, who cares about that – it can power our super-cool-giant-robots, so let’s mosey into the money and kill each other for profit; those doing the moseying are the corporations and their subsidiaries; years after the Fires of Ibis, word got out about the coral, which piqued the interest of corporations across the galaxy, and “where there’s coral, there’s blood,” so sayeth the Raven’s handler, Walter.
Arquebus Corporation: Weapons manufacturer (they’re all weapons manufacturers, go figure). They employ an elite mercenary squad called the “Vespers,” which has its own rank and file, including ace pilots such as V.IV Rusty (the V stands for “Vesper,” go figure), who battles with Raven a number of times during these Armageddon days. Arquebus Corporation is the largest corporate force on Rubicon 3, with a subsidiary company, Schneider Corp, which manufactures heavy-duty Armored Core parts. Arquebus manufacturing deals primarily in energy-based laser weaponry; their parts are high-end, expensive, and still very bad; like Dyson, but instead of vacuums: photothermal optical lasers. Arquebus still makes a fortune, apparently, and wants to make more, hence their presence on Rubicon 3: secure the coral, make the money, control the galaxy.
Balam Corporation believes in domination through material superiority, and their subsidiary Dafeng Core Industries is the “stout tree with slender branches,” which translates to “fat mechs with lots of firepower” or something. Balam, like Arquebus, has their own elite mercenary force, the Redguns, which use the prefix “G” for “gun,” like G5 Iguazu: a nobody who is easily defeated by Raven early on, ranked 19/D in the ALLMIND virtual arena, which is another way of saying “trash.” Balam weaponry deals in the reals and the tangible, handguns that shoot real bullets (not weird plasma) and rocket launchers that launch real rockets, and of course: they want the coral to make better weapons to make more money, just like Arquebus.
Like all forms of capitalism, the major players eventually boil down to two; in this case, Balam and Arquebus, a duopoly akin to Comcast and AT&T (Arquebus would be Comcast in this example) or Coca-Cola and Pepsi (Balam would be Pepsi); also like all forms of capitalism, there are minor players with grand ambitions but no hope of ever competing with the major duopoly: the Cricket Mobile and RC Colas of Rubicon 3, these being RaD, “Repurposed civie equipment,” junk wizards and hackers who refurbish garbage into creative killing devices; Takigawa Harmonics, a corporation specializing in Pulse technology; Elcano Corporation for craftsman-like flair and lightweight, high-agility parts; and last but not least: the Planetary Closure Administration (or PCA). It would be unfair to compare PCA to Cricket Mobile, as their goal isn’t to make money; in fact, the PCA is the most interesting faction on Rubicon 3, as their origin and true organizational structure are obscured, shrouded in shadow; any information about them is gleaned from the wreckage of their Super-Cool-Robots-That-You-Can’t-Pilot and the passing remarks of the pilots of these Super-Cool-Robots-That-You-Can’t-Pilot during the midst of battle. The PCA’s goals are obvious by their actions, however, in that they want to close down the planet because “this Coral stuff is getting weird” and, after the Fires of Ibis, “why are we tempting fate – again?” The PCA appears to be the only sensible faction during this World-Wide-Corporate-Sengoku-Era of Rubicon 3.
*where there’s coral, there’s blood
Regardless of Cricket, Comcast, Pepsi, Apple, or Samsung; each corporation hires freelancing mercenaries to do their dirty work; either to avoid getting their own hands dirty or because it’s easier to throw money at a problem to make it go away. Mercenaries, like Raven, are bought and sold to the highest bidder; one day Raven will be working for Balam, stealing a shipment of weapons from Arquebus; the next day, Arquebus pays Raven triple to steal the weapons back from Balam, and then Arquebus will turn around and hire Raven’s best friend, Rusty, to kill them because Raven is “too dangerous to be left alive,” only for their true intentions to be the killing of two Ravens with one stone because Rusty is also “too dangerous to be left alive,” and it’s all a corporate anarcho-capitalist nightmare with no rules and the money itself grows robotic arms and legs and stabs you in the back with a pulse sword.
VII. III: Bag Boy Bolero or: A Measured Critique of Anarcho-Capitalism
VII. IV: Ronald Reagan’s ICE WORM
“In our obsession with antagonisms of the moment, we often forget how much unites all the members of humanity. Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us recognize this common bond. I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask you, is not an alien force already among us?”
— Ronald Reagan, “Address to the 42d Session of the United Nations General Assembly in New York, New York”#9
Late into the Coral War, the Planetary Closure Administrator (PCA) decided enough was enough and positioned their entire galactic fleet of battleships and highly-advanced-and-cool-looking-super-robots called Human Mechs (HC) to end the war over Coral. The PCA was the most advanced organization in the galaxy with the most firepower at their disposal; they were organized, sleek, and didn’t take no for an answer; their goal was singular: shut down Rubicon 3, and they would achieve this by quarantining the planet and destroying all those who opposed. The Fires of Ibis were reason enough to close Rubicon 3; they knew the dangers Coral posed to the universe. To the PCA, it was simple. To the Rubiconian Liberation Front (RLF) and the corporations, not so simple. The Rubiconian Liberation Front viewed Coral as a religious deity worthy of worship (“the blood of the planet!”); their opposition to the PCA and the encroaching corporations was one of religious ferocity and nationalism, unwilling to share their splendor and unwilling to contain it. The corporations’ opposition to the PCA was more straightforward: Coral was an incredible power source, and whoever controlled the Coral might as well control the universe.
So, when the Planetary Closure Administration flew its entire battleship armada into Rubicon 3’s atmosphere and touched down on the planet, you better believe the corporations and the Rubiconian Liberation Front immediately put aside their differences and sat down at the table of diplomacy in a joint effort to drive the PCA away from Rubicon 3. Raven, who had been working for all groups by virtue of the highest bidder, was key to this plan, and Handle Walter was more than willing to oblige if the price was right; and the price was, indeed, right. First, a series of operations targeting key PCA outposts, battleship hangars, and HC facilities. Raven did their part diligently and efficiently, always the perfect puppet for whoever offered enough money (Raven, being a puppet, is a key point that should not be ignored), and everything was going great until the WORM.
*Ronald Reagan’s “alien threat” made manifest on Rubicon 3
The IA-02: ICE WORM is a colossal mechanical worm powered by Coral. Its mouth a series of clockwork grinders, crushing anything unlucky enough to be in its path. The WORM was a relic of the Rubiconian Institute from before the Fires of Ibis, seized and reactivated by the PCA as a new line of offense against those opposed to planetary closure. The WORM was impervious to contemporary weaponry, so the corporations and the RFL collaborated on a new weapon specifically designed to pierce the WORM’s outer-shields. Extreme problems breed extreme innovation, resulting in the VE-60SNA Stun Needle Launcher (a large cannon that fits onto the back of an Armored Core, specializing in breeching shielding) and a gigantic experimental railgun to finish the job after the Stun Needle does its magic; only problem is both weapons can’t be used by the same person: it would be a two person job.
Raven is deployed in the Unobservable Area within the Central Ice Field, where the WORM wreaks havoc, tasked with using the Stun Needle Launcher to disable the WORM’s shield for V.IV Rusty (working undercover for the Rubicon Liberation Front), who is miles away controlling the railgun, to take the final shot and put the WORM down for good. Additional members of Arquebus and Balam join Raven and Rusty in their showdown with the WORM, mirroring the Arena of the Starscourge Radhan.
The mission is an overwhelming success. The PCA, having received countless crushing blows, retreated from Rubicon 3 in haste, leaving battleships and HCs behind in their wake. The “alien threat” was gone, but the Coral remained.
Arquebus Executive Leadership was planning for this, biding their time. Days after Operation ICE WORM, the Arquebus Group seized the leftover PCA equipment and positioned themselves as the dominant force on Rubicon 3, swiftly crushing the Balam corporation with their newfound firepower and becoming the true Coral monopoly.
Ronald Reagan’s ghost hangs his head as he realizes that the “alien threat” must always be present, for only a moment did we know true cooperation.
VIII: On Computer Game’s Official Review of Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon and Numerical Score Value
IX: Sempiternal Darkness
IX. I: Fires of Raven
Everything comes to a head when Raven, strings pulled by Walter, is fatefully led to Insitute City; a ruin, destroyed in the Fires of Ibis. Here Raven finds the Vascular Plant, a major research facility post-Ibis, that sucks Coral from the Rubicon for both human and machine experimentation. The Vascular Plant is both a real world plant categorization, “vascular” being the term used for the plant tissue that absorbs nutrients and water and also a vessel that carries blood in all animals. Here we are confronted by an angelic, elegant autonomous craft designated IB-01: CEL 240, another robot created before the Fires of Ibis, powered by Coral, to defend the Coral. After a grueling battle with the robot, subsequently getting captured by Arquebus, a prison break, and a few other missteps; Raven discovers the truth about Handler Walter, he was there when the Fires of Ibis happened, involved even, and survived; a “cinder” just like the woman you have been working closely with, “Cinder Carla,” and they’re both part of a shadowy organization called The Overseers, whose main mission is to burn the Coral for good after the failed first attempt which resulted in the worldwide catastrophe now known as the Fires of Ibis.
At some point in all this violence, Raven became attached to a disembodied voice calling themselves “Ayre,” who, after becoming close, reveals she’s part of the Coral. The Coral is alive. It’s organic. Ayre’s brothers and sisters are all part of the Coral, and destroying the Coral amounts to a genocide not only for the Coral conciousness but also the entire planet, as it will ignite the atmosphere and wipe out all life on Rubicon 3.
Suddenly you realize those Junk Wizards and Hackers were smoking actual people and it dawns on you that they’re not so different from Keith Richards snorting his own father’s ashes to gain his knowledge.#10
Raven has a decision to make; side with Ayre and oppose Handler Walter’s masterplan, or side with Handler Walter and destroy the Coral. An argument can be made for both sides, from Walter’s perspective: the Coral is dangerous, it self-replicates and if left to its own devices will eventually consume the known universe; from Ayre’s perspective, the Coral is people. Either way, you’re at the whim of either party, both having manipulated Raven into feeling one way or another throughout the journey.
Choosing Walter’s side, you escort the Xylem, one of two types of transport tissue for Vascular plants#11 and also a really-big-city-that’s-actually-a-really-big-spaceship into the actual Vascular Plant, the space-sunflower, both Rusty (your only friend on Rubicon 3) and Ayre try to stop Raven, piloting ACs of their own in an attempt to kill Raven, but, plot armor being what it is and armed with an unlimited set of continues, Raven easily dispatches both and succeeds in igniting the Coral: leaving nothing but ash behind. The credits roll.
*Xylem revolts against the Sunflower
The Fires of Raven could easily be seen as the “bad” ending, although the narrative likes to leave these things ambiguous. This, however, is not ambiguous to me; genociding a planet, people and Coral (which is also people), is not OK. One could argue that this is a type of trolley problem; genociding the planet and the Coral now would save the universe later; however, this would require a level of premonition that Raven simply does not have; in fact, it’s unclear if the Coral would even consume the universe, and if it did: it’s unclear if that’s even a bad thing given the mechanical grayzone devoid of Nature that humanity has created.
IX. II: Liberator of Rubicon
“I believe in the shared potential between humanity and the coral.” – Ayre, C-Pulse Wave Mutation (Coral Person)
Ayre makes a strong case for not committing genocide, priming you throughout your time on Rubicon 3 to be sympathetic to the Coral. Ayre believes that Coral and Rubiconians can co-exist in harmony, as they have done in the past before the Rubiconians mucked it up and started experimenting with the Coral, something Ayre doesn’t acknowledge and could easily happen again. If Raven is convinced by Ayre’s plea, they trade murdering millions of people for murdering those they were working with the entire journey: Cinder Carla and Handler Walter.
Ayre uses the symbol of the Raven to inspire the people of Rubicon 3 to rise up against the Corporations, sending Raven to the Xylem on a mission of sabotage in an attempt to thwart Handler Walter’s plans. Rusty joins Raven, finally revealing his true allegiance to the Rubiconian Liberation Front, and together the two Ravens eliminate the Corporate leaders and dispatch of the Xylem’s engines, securing a bright future for Rubicon 3, or so we hope. During the Xylem’s death throes, an Armored Core appears before Raven, Rubicon red; it’s Handler Walter, who has gone through Arquebus mind control and thrown into a Coral series AC; celestial theater plays as a moonlit skirmish atop the Xylem, far beyond the Rubicon’s atmosphere, a solemn duel of finality between Raven and Walter; however, in the midst of this cosmic clash of wills, Walter, his heart touched by a sudden revelation, surrenders; he understands now that Raven has discovered a friend in Ayre, a kindred spirit within the Coral, an epiphany dawning upon him that the Coral is people, and he has been treading a misguided path all along. Walter allows Raven to escape the Xylem’s descent into the fiery embrace of Rubicon 3’s atmosphere, the once-majestic vessel dissolves into stardust, becoming one with the cosmic tapestry.
The Coral survives and the people of Rubicon are successful in driving the corporations off the planet. Raven is remembered as the Liberator of Rubicon, yet the outstanding issues of “is the Coral going to consume the universe?” and “is that a bad thing?” remain unaddressed.
IX. III: True Love and the Eclipse
IX. IV: G5 Iguazu
The Iguazu River is a small river in Brazil that drops off a plateau, creating what the locals call the Iguazu Falls. Like all things, there are legends of its creation, something about a jealous deity going into a rage and slicing violently at the Earth, creating a rift so large that the water from the Iguazu River drops over, creating a stunning natural beauty; a waterfall on all sides. We like to make sense of things within the context of human Nature, so we inject emotions like envy, rage, and love into the Nature that surrounds us. Because surely these things wouldn’t exist without the presence of humanity to observe them, and they must be like us. These human traits help us blend the colors; facilitate forgetting that metal boxes and smog don’t fit into Nature.
Iguazu is also G5 Iguazu, a Red Gun working for the Balam corporation; a back-alley-gambler who never won a game and, to pay for his debts, agreed to get Coral Augmentation and work as a corporate lapdog. He’s a Fourth Generation Augmented Human, like 621: Quoth the Raven. Raven encounters Iguazu during a mission to assault a Rubiconian Liberation Front Dam Complex, where they initially work together to complete the objective. Iguazu is haughty and dismissive of Raven during this encounter, and to Raven, Iguazu is just another number, one of the countless mercenaries they’ve already encountered. Nothing.
*Eclipse in Infrared: Prelude
When New Game Plus comes around, this same Dam Complex mission takes a turn that alters the entire course of the Coral War. The Rubiconian Liberation Front opens secret communications with Raven and offers a larger monetary sum if Raven betrays Iguazu and helps defend the complex. Raven takes this offer, turning on Iguazu and easily dispatching him. From this moment, Iguazu is incensed with envy, and throughout the rest of Raven’s time on Rubicon 3, hounds Raven relentlessly in an effort to kill them; yet, like the gambling of days gone by, he fails every time. The last time Raven crosses paths with Iguazu, he tries to get the jump on Raven while Raven is distracted in battle with another mercenary. This, too, results in failure. Iguazu, for all his envious effort, can never hope to compete with Raven. To Raven, Iguazu is just a minor annoyance that pops up from time to time, nothing more than an annoying fly. The Nature of Iguazu is one that would exist with or without the facilitation of big robots to realize true potential. If this were the Paleolithic era, Iguazu would be the caveman hovering over the sleeping tribal leader with a rock held over their head, contemplating “Iguazu smash!” because “why can’t Iguazu lead tribe!”
IX. V: Alea Iacta Est
Four sets of double-A batteries later, and here we are: the end. We’ve heard ALLMIND’s voice a thousand times before, practiced our skills in its ARENA, and navigated its menus. But it came as a surprise when ALLMIND contacted Raven directly for a mission, and then another, and another. Kate Markson tagged along in the TRANSCRIBER for a few sorties, and things started to get weird. Who is Kate Markson? Why does she sound suspiciously like ALLMIND? What is this “Coral Release” that ALLMIND keeps mentioning? And how are we relevant to it all? We knew that Coral is people, and Raven is a Fourth Generation Augmented Human and after some nice environmental storytelling, we started to understand that the Fourth Generation was “flawed” because they kept insisting that the Coral was talking to them, which drove many of them insane enough to claw their own eyes out. Ayre is one of these “the Coral keeps talking to me” entities, but we now know the Nature of things: the Coral is consciousness, the Coral is people, and they want to be released into the universe. They are a caged bird within the planet Rubicon 3 and the Vascular Plant and sing for Freedom through the minds of those they can link to, yet have no bodies of their own, requiring augmented humans or machinery for possession. Putting the puzzle pieces together: the Coral is a collective consciousness that ALLMIND (an artificial intelligence that is ALL the MINDS) wants to release into the Universe. The fears Walter had of the Coral, the destruction of the known universe, are all linked to ALLMIND; speculating that ALLMIND is actually a Coral being possessing a supercomputer for the means of achieving the release of her people, it makes perfect sense. Raven, being the main character of Big Robot Game 6, is needed as a “key” for releasing the Coral (only those who can hear the Coral can release the Coral). As such, in the third ending, after working closely with ALLMIND, Raven goes to the top of the Vascular Plant to release the Coral. After Raven’s key is turned, ALLMIND says she doesn’t need Raven anymore and has picked her champion to dispose of them, and then “He” arrives.
G5 Iguazu, driven mad by his hatred for Raven, has sold his autonomy, his consciousness, and his soul to the demons, ALLMIND. Being the perfect vessel to eliminate Raven, ALLMIND uploads Iguazu into their most powerful Armored Core: MIND BETA, his mind wrapped with envy and violence, his recalcitrant nature in its purest form. ALLMIND, believing they can control Iguazu, quickly discovers they cannot. Iguazu’s hatred of being the fly buzzing around Raven is too strong, overriding all ALLMIND’s orders. With this newfound power, Iguazu finally has the Freedom to reach his Arcadia, which just happens to be killing Raven.
*G5 Iguazu, a ghost no more; piloting MIND BETA.
This is Iguazu’s Eclipse moment.
Iguazu is strong now, technologically stronger than Raven. After the first round, Iguazu conjures up two satellites and an even bigger robot to drive Raven into dust. But Raven is not alone: Ayre arrives in her own Armored Core to help, and like all good stories, the hero wins in the end (spoilers). Iguazu’s hatred never falters; even in his final moments, Iguazu screams, “I always envied you,” lunging at Raven with his emerald beam saber, giving Raven a miniature heart attack before his Armored Core reaches criticality and explodes in a miniature Fire of Raven.
Ultimately, none of this matters. ALLMIND has achieved her goal, and the Berserk references, tenuous at best (but very cool), end there. We watch as a massive black hole, which some Druidic schools associate with the Raven, opens where the Vascular Plant once was, consuming everything. Raven is gone, and the Coral has been released. After a brief fade to black, the curtain rises to an Armored Core under a shallow pool of water. The Armored Core rises to a beautiful blue sky, with stars in the distance flickering as red dots, and other Armored Cores slowly emerge from the water, all with red eyes. The Coral has been released. The ALLMIND is here, and nothing will ever be the same. The Rubicon has been crossed. Alea iacta est.
X: Raven (Epilogue)
There was once a Raven so brave that they challenged themselves to fly as high as their wings would take them; they flew so high that they saw the dark and the endless before becoming bored and hungry and then nose-diving back through the thin atmosphere.
It’s a story we’ve heard before.
The average home in the United States takes up to 8 months to build on average. A typical high-rise takes up to 3 years to build, even more if the exterior glass is infused with gold. A Boeing 787 takes up to 40 days to build from the ground up, while a Boeing AH-64 attack helicopter can take upwards of 6 months to build and outfit with the right equipment for killing things. A Raven can build a nest within 9 days and fly 1 week after leaving the nest. We like to build things out of Nature, put them in Nature, and some of us pretend it is Nature. We all come from Nature, so how could it not be Nature? But we’re at the Eclipse with the robots, the rockets, the guns, the choking gas, and the starvation economics we can so easily inflict on other people who happen to be born in the wrong country. We’ve built over 4000 little flying machines the size of Ravens controlled from miles away by Xbox One S controllers that drop little bombs on people in 2022 alone; have we done this for the sake of efficiency, or have we done this because we can’t bear to look our victims in the eye anymore – or ever? Have we, as animals on this Earth, truly flown far or have we clipped our wings and dug deep into that early grave?
*not very far
ALLMIND, in all their puppeteering, knew this truth: the Rubicon is Earth fast-forwarded and paused at the worst moment. A true Raven would never participate in this; they would gather their wings and fly away. If Freedom is the goal, then Raven has been stripped of their name; “621, quoth the Raven,” but the Raven realized that 621 is a twofold genocidal disruptor simply taking orders from people who actually have a purpose. 621, like Guts before them, served the Arcadia of others; yet, unlike Guts, 621 never corrected this mistake; so, the Raven flew away.
A friend once said in response to the trolley problem that it leaves one thing implied that rarely anyone considers – who was the person who put those poor people on the tracks, and how did you even get there?
Is it really any wonder that the main worry around Artificial Intelligence for most “philosophers” of our age is whether or not they would kill us? Why would any intelligent being want to kill us if we have done nothing wrong? Is this prominent question – this fear of artificial intelligence – merely a tacit confession of our collective guilt as a species that spends over $136 billion a year on weapons used to kill each other?#12 And that’s just one country’s figures, numbers so big they become meaningless. We are spoiled. I type this on a computer that is sourced from parts all over the world; the cobalt used in the lithium batteries used to power over thirty different appliances in my house mined by children in the Congo as young as six years old.#13 I have no idea who made these things or how they are made; they just work and I don’t think about it too hard; yet, if I had been born in a straw hut on a farm in a world with no electronics, would I feel like there is something missing?
Why does it still, even now with all this really-cool-stuff, feel like something is missing?
When the Raven returns to its world of comfort, it promptly takes a shit on a passing car driving northbound on Interstate 95 at the Pennsylvania Turnpike connector near Bristol Township.
Maybe we should be more like the Raven.
*the Raven gazes down on humanity (photo courtesy of @handmade_ghost)
#1. Heilig, M., MacKillop, J., Martinez, D., Rehm, J., Leggio, L., & Vanderschuren, L. J. M. J. (2021, February 22). Addiction as a brain disease revised: Why it still matters, and the need for consilience. Nature News. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-020-00950-y
#2. Heilig, M., MacKillop, J., Martinez, D., Rehm, J., Leggio, L., & Vanderschuren, L. J. M. J. (2021, February 22). Addiction as a brain disease revised: Why it still matters, and the need for consilience. Nature News. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-020-00950-y
#3. Bush, G. W. (2003, March 22). President Discusses Beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom . National Archives and Records Administration. https://georgewbush-whitehouse.archives.gov/news/releases/2003/03/20030322.html
#4. Riedel, B. (2022, March 9). 9/11 and Iraq: The making of a tragedy. Brookings. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/9-11-and-iraq-the-making-of-a-tragedy/
#5. United Nations. (2003, May 6). UN inspectors found no evidence of prohibited weapons programmes as of 18 March withdrawal, Hans Blix tells Security Council. United Nations. https://press.un.org/en/2003/sc7777.doc.htm
#6. Gershkoff, A., & Kushner, S. (2005, September). Shaping Public Opinion: The 9/11-Iraq Connection in the Bush Administration’s Rhetoric. https://sgadaria.expressions.syr.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Iraq-article_Gershkoff_Kushner.pdf
#7. Goldenberg, S. (2006, September 11). Bush: Saddam was not responsible for 9/11. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2006/sep/12/september11.usa2
#8. Carney, S. A. (2013). Major Combat Operations: Coalition Forces Land Component Command, March–May 2003. In Allied Participation in Operation Iraqi Freedom (pp. 9–10). essay, United States Army, Center of Military History.
#9. Address to the 42d session of the United Nations General Assembly in New York, New York. Reagan Library. (1987, September 21). https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/speech/address-42d-session-united-nations-general-assembly-new-york-new-york
#10. Glendinning, L. (2007, April 4). Keith Richards tells of snorting his dad’s ashes with cocaine. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2007/apr/04/drugsandalcohol.musicnews
#11. Xylem and phloem. Basic Biology. (2020, August 25). https://basicbiology.net/plants/physiology/xylem-phloem
#12. Budget Basics: National Defense. (2023, April 28,). https://www.pgpf.org/budget-basics/budget-explainer-national-defense
#13. Lawson, Michele (2021, September 1). The DRC Mining Industry: Child Labor and Formalization of Small-Scale Mining https://www.wilsoncenter.org/blog-post/drc-mining-industry-child-labor-and-formalization-small-scale-mining
(Originally published on 10/7/2023)
*the room in Rubicon
*bag boy murders the president on live television
*the Raven returns
*she’s 20, ok?!
*Rance’s entire personality
*let’s take a moment to appreciate the excellent UI; linux distro: “BonkOS”
*a combat scene; a commander (Ranmaru) and her forces attacking an enemy force
*AliceSoft’s mascot, a young-looking girl in panties
*Kenshin Himura of the Rurouni Kenshin manga, drawn by famed pedophile Nobuhiro Watsuki
*brace yourself
*for a fleeting moment, I am the captain
*the bridge of the Avalon-1
*Imagination interrupt: illusion has stopped responding.
*space sims: the origin; one of these things is not like the other
*a boy and his blog
*bottom screen on the left, top screen on the right; also claw.
*keeps going and going and going and going and going and going
*tetrominos falling into place; not at all a Radiohead experience
*the boy and the man
*digital landscape of The Boy circa 2001, authors: unknown
*The Darkness we know so well; stepping through the fog of youth
*ghosts of the past haunt The Boy overlooking suburban splendor
*we can be heroes, just for one day.
*Et in Arcadia, Pajama Sam
*Pajama Sam captured by the trees in The Darkness
*clicking through youth
*Sam confronts his fears
*Sam embracing The Darkness
*can you spot all the references?
*Shakedown, 1993
*David Koresh, Kenji Orimo & Pockets, Alundra, and Jupiter
*Nintendo turns the Sega Genesis into a theme park with a $42.19 cost of admission
*R06190; displaying Ranma ½ & Landstalker, prison cell number included
*the three elements that make this setup work: laptop, hdmi to rf modulator, R06190, and a Sega Saturn pad
*NA Landstalker, Doom, and JP Landstalker boxart compared
*Nigel and Friday, honeymooning on a raft
*Island of Mercator, as pictured within the in-game map
*Duke Mercator challenges Nigel
*the bar, ever-present and never-ending – but why?
*part of the prologue, heavily compressed with every other frame removed
*Saturn pad with crude paint drawings and official illustrations explaining the importance of diagonals
*Traveling the overworld; featuring phallic mushrooms and Nigel’s strut
*Landstalker gets creative with puzzles; button that moves statues, but you need to use Nigel’s head to ensure they move along the right path.
*never trust a man with a large statue of himself in his front yard
*golem boss approaches!
]
*the sword of gaia, earthquake doubles as time magic
*Friday reviving Nigel with EkeEke grass
*Landstalker by M. C. Escher
*Perspective “puzzle”; sped up 3x; illustrating the absurd use of perspective to create mind-warping situations where the next jump is incomprehensible
*time to redo four rooms; the Comcast Customer Support experience
*moving platform puzzle, one mistake is spike pit into a redo into a heart attack
*Talk Talk’s “It’s My Life,” Popful Mail strategy guide mailer, old consoles; Breakfast Club backdrop
*while the anime cutscenes are typically very few frames, they are all beautifully drawn and fully voiced in English thanks to Working Designs’ localization
*NEC & Sega CD Popful Mail compared; Mail pictured in the same area in both, illustrating the near 1-to-1 level design between the two versions.
*the various zones of Popful Mail; showcasing the Super Mario Bros. 3 inspired world map
*Lina Inverse and Popful Mail; it’s up to the reader to figure out which is which
*all three heroes in their spritely glory
*goobers galore
*the various shopkeepers you will encounter on your popful journey
*it’s a platformer, I swear
*all three game over screens; something you’ll be seeing a lot
*Mail’s inventory screen; showcasing her armor, weapons and items
*bosses, bosses, bosses!
*end game credits